Friends

hello all!

i'm about to do a last minute flight booking and stuff (with departure in three days and duration of three days) to either Dublin or Edinburgh. the problem is that i can't choose.

Dublin:
i've been there before and so i've seen most of the things worth to see (i think), counting: st. patrick's cathedral, kilmainham gaol, the general post office and i can't come to think of more things to see... my memory fails me as it's more than 3 years ago since i was there.
i'd be staying at hostel avalon where i stayed before so that's taken care of.

Edinburgh:
never been there before and i have no clue where to even start! i definitely want to visit Edinburgh Vaults but how/when/where? is it possible to see the castle? ah so many questions. v.v
i found Edinburgh backpacker's hostel but any other suggestions would be good. i'm going budget but central.

things i'm interested in doing:
walking around the city, looking at marvellous historical architecture/photographing said architecture, visit bookshops (second hand bookshops ftw) and spend too much money in them, visit museums / art galleries, castles and the like, sit in cafés for a little while resting feet and reading bits and pieces in a newly purchased book, that sort of thing. so i'm not really into big spending shopping high fashion drama...

any and all suggestion and advice would be perfect. thanks in advance!

man this limbo-purgatory i'm in really blows; i need to stop trying to do something about it and do something about it

(Didn't find any matching keywords in tags! Please direct if this has been answered.)

Background: Studying abroad in Berlin from Feb 8th to May 31st. 21 years old. Female. From New York City. Lots of free time!

I'm hoping to make a little bit of extra money tutoring people in English language. I'm thinking 'homework help,' practicing speaking English, teaching basic English (reading, writing, speaking) etc... I'm positive there are tons of people who'd be interested, but I'm at a loss as to how to advertise my services. I've posted on Craig's List Berlin... any other websites or resources you would all recommend?

Danke schön!

Do you know how to get from Amsterdam Centraal to Dusseldorf airport or Bonn/Cologne airport in the morning? I have to be there at 4:30-5:00am. Don't want to pay a lot and wait for half a night at the airport.

New years are fun and exciting when you're a kid, perhaps because you're told that they're fun and exciting- which could perhaps be said about birthdays and selected public holidays as well. For me, this continued up until I was about 16 years old, after which it started to get rather stale, predictable and... boring, really.

When you're still in the early stages of your formal education, you have a pretty good idea about what the next year will bring. Once you're through with it, things become different. The illusion of certainty fades. You realise with progressive clarity that you're in the driver's seat now, and in unfamiliar territory. Your degree of control over yourself increases, while the environment around you gets increasingly volatile as well.

Some people realise this early, some people late. Some have a thorough understanding, while others get by merely thinking that they do. The process can be exhilarating or terrifying, and for the average person I imagine it must be a combination of both. I would venture a guess that one's position on this scale is determined by the degree of vulnerability that is felt. Some people feel relatively more or less vulnerable than others, and some people arrive at grossly inaccurate self-appraisals. (This begs the question- what is worse, a false sense of security and self-control or an exaggerated sense of vulnerability? I'm inclined to vote for the former, because it sets you up for worse than you could possibly have prepared yourself for. Both are ultimately undesirable of course, and neither should be encouraged or allowed to remain as status quo for any self-respecting individual.)

You must certainly wonder (as do I!) if all this is leading up to something. I will be honest, candid and straightforward- 2009 has made me feel much smaller than I have perhaps ever felt. I have spent many years- all my teenage life, in fact- living a "double-life" of in which I try to maintain a facade of sorts. I pretend to be capable of doing what I claim to be able to. It takes too much effort to bother to actually do anything, I reasoned, and I must have been destined for greater things. This upset my teachers, my family and anybody who ever had to work with me on any sort of project- for school or otherwise. I always got by, though, because I was absolutely certain that I was completely capable of getting anything done if I wanted to- I just didn't want to. (Alarm bells ringing yet?) I thought that I shouldn't have to be accountable to anybody but myself. I was always able to find friends and signs that seemed to support my decisions and world view- but who isn't? My wake-up moment came really late- in the time leading up to my A levels, when I realised that I couldn't even count on myself to do what was best for me- which was to invest time and energy into my studies. The day you come to grips with the fact that you are not in control of your own impulses; that's terrifying.

So it is with great difficulty that I acknowledge that I have been living with an inflated sense of self-worth. I don't deserve a quarter of the glory that I bask in. It unsettles me. (I feel like how Cloud from FF7 must have felt upon realising that he never qualified for SOLDIER, but was merely living a shadow of a dream of who he wished he was. He ultimately embraced his true identity, acknowledged his weaknesses, and turned out to be quite the hero after all.) Yet, all is not lost- I am developing a clearer and more accurate picture of myself than I have ever had. If anything, I am making the first few baby steps (that I should have made a long long time ago- better late then never, right?) towards personal growth and progress. And as with Cloud; just because I realise that I'm not as invulnerable as I thought I was doesn't mean I'm going to be any less awesome. So here's to fulfilling our individual and collective potentials- Happy 2010!

BBF, Fuji Superia 200, with flash. Enjoy! =)

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1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I traveled overseas with my friends! It was only a chartered tour to Genting, but it was crazy fun and I can't wait to do more things like that.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I think my '09 resolution was to grow up. While I'm not that much more responsible, I'm certainly a lot less immature. So that sort of works.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can think of; most of the babies I know were '07 or '08 babies. One of my sister's friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
None of my close friends or family, nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
Genting, Malaysia

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Money. I have been so ridiculously broke and in debt, and I have done little to remedy the situation. It's pathetic.

7. What exact date(s) from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This is a cruel, cruel question because I am absolutely terrible with exact dates. I depend on the girlfriend for that. =\


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing my 'A' levels, I guess. That's kind of sad.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Still in debt. :(

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
I get sick quite often, I got really terribly sick in the middle of my Prelims; which in turn seemed to be related to a bad fall I had while crowdsurfing during Anberlin's set at Baybeats. I fell on my back and bruised my rib badly, which is known to make one more susceptible to pneumonia- which is what I think I got.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Mr. Big tickets!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Two of my most cold-hearted, "emotions are for pansies" sort of friends broke down and cried in front of each other once. It was... nice. Hahaha.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I try never to let anybody get me down, not even myself. That said, a close friend of mine really disappointed me with his selfish attitude this year, but I think I forgive him. We all venture into Stupidsville sometimes.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Cigarettes? Food? I don't have a lot of money to begin with =\

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Mr. Big? The end of A Levels

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Hmm. Lady Gaga - Paparazzi?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier, as to be expected.
ii. thinner or fatter? About the same. Maybe a little bit skinner, which is bad. :(
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer. Damn.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Saving money, reading, writing, drawing, playing music, studying.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Smoking, spending money, procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Uh, what did we do again? Oh yeah, ate dinner at Damien's and then hung out at the void deck like we pretty much always do.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
you don't fall in love! you grow it; like a flower or a tree or a banana or bigotry

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I'm actually very shy.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother. (Y)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
To hate is to waste time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere. I choose indifference. And I'm rarely indifferent.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. Awesome, awesome book. What a life. Amazing.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
http://www.myspace.com/thepablosmusic

28. What did you want and get?
Sharan! :D

29. What did you get and not want?
A $300 fine from the NEA. :(

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I really enjoyed watching Little Miss Sunshine, Let The Right One In and Iron Man this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
The usual- I met up with my mates, we played LAN and had dinner. :)

32. What's one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
To quote Mariam: Better time/finance management. What else right? (Exactly!)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Whatever fits, works. I can't afford to be choosy. :(

34. What kept you sane?
I don't know. What makes you think I'm sane? :P Honestly though it would be my close circle of friends outside of school. School would have been unbearable without them.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I enjoyed discovering Robert Downey Jr for his awesome ENTP-ness and Megan Fox for that body and presence!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I was disgusted at how pathetically Copenhagen went. I also find it sad that there is so much resistance to healthcare reform in the US.

37. Who did you miss?
I really, really miss Armchair Critic.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I think this is the year that I really started hanging out with Damien on a regular basis and it's been pretty awesome. I mean I knew him all along, but it's been good to get closer.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
MANAGE. YOUR. MONEY.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You win some and learn some. Mraz.

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EDITOR IN CHIEF - KAZUHIRO SAITO. FASHION DIRECTOR-NICOLA FORMICHETTI. ART DIRECTOR - MARKUS KIERSZTAN

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From Vconfession.com, Moscow, Russia,Nov. 09
Photog. D.Zhuravlev
Style N. Sych
Model D. Polyakov